Embrace Mistakes and Failure
“If you’re afraid to fail, then you’re probably going to fail.” —Kobe Bryant
Quite simply, mistakes accelerate the learning process through the failure feedback loop. Children need constant feedback through failure to grow and develop. Mistakes need to be embraced and seen as opportunities to learn and grow rather than failures. When I first started coaching, I was scared of mistakes. I wanted the perfect sessions with every child breezing through each drill and the parents watching how amazing it was. I used to plan sessions, and if I thought one or two of the children might struggle with it, I’d make it easier so there would be no mistakes. I basically planned the sessions around the few players with the least experience and what would look good. Thank goodness I saw the light and changed my approach, as perfect sessions are not how learning and growth are done. Unfortunately, I see the majority of coaches still have a no-mistake attitude, and it stifles children’s development. Most coaches frown upon mistakes leaving children scared to try anything. A coach’s job is to set up games and practices where there are as many opportunities to make mistakes as possible. The coach then has something to teach and can guide the children through the learning process. A really good coach will know what they want to teach and will set up sessions so the children make the mistakes they want them to make, so they can then guide them through the improvement process. This is not a coaching book, but I thought it was very important to include this as you can play your part as parents.
Never dwell on mistakes or discuss them too much, especially after games. A child usually knows when they are making mistakes and don’t need them pointed out by you. Always praise the intent and be clear to point out that it is good to try things, even if the outcome isn’t quite what they wanted. Any child can “hoof” the ball clear, get the ball down the other end of the pitch, and learn to play safely. If children are alwayspraised for these things and don’t feel able to explore the possibilities and try different things, they will always play within their comfort zone. Learning and growth only happen by stretching the boundaries and coming out of the comfort zone.
Confidence is developed by becoming competent at something. Competence comes from purposeful practice and making mistakes. This competence will breed more confidence, and the more confident they are, the more they will try things. The more they try things, the more competent they get. The more competent they are, the more confidence they gain, and the learning cycle can continue. If a child fears making mistakes or isn’t allowed to try things, this cycle becomes disjointed, slows down, and eventually stops altogether. What will be left will be a child who can do a few things well and will get through matches ok. They’ll play in a team of similar players, and you will think that they’ve found their level, whereas, in reality, their potential was never fulfilled.
Creativity and confidence can’t simply be called upon! They are not there to call upon unless they’ve been developed and nurtured over time and in the correct environment. So, embrace mistakes as part of the process. They are vital if your child is to fulfil their potential. Protect your child from anyone who instils any sort of fear of mistakes in them. Nobody likes to make mistakes, and a successful outcome should always be strived for, but know that mistakes are part of the development cycle and not to be avoided. Develop a culture with your child so that they understand this and take responsibility for their mistakes. There should be no blame attached to teammates, referees or the coach. Accepting responsibility is the axle that the confidence-building cycle spins on! Developing this culture can take time. Your child will not just suddenly become amazingly confident, but if you help remove the fear of failure, the cycle will start spinning in the right direction.
“If you aren’t making mistakes, you aren’t doing anything.” — Coach John Wooden
This blog was taken from my book, Did You Win, Did You Score…? How to Help Your Child Succeed at Football and Life.
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