“There’s no comparison between the sun and the moon. They shine when it’s their time.” —Unknown

Don’t compare your child to other players, or you will end up chasing other children’s qualities and run the risk of developing the fear that your child is missing out. I have seen this a lot in my own teams that I have run. A child will have a particularly good game or do something exceptionally well, like tackling or shooting from a long distance, and suddenly other parents are asking me why their child can’t, or doesn’t, do those particular things. It’s because each child is unique, and they develop different qualities at different rates.

It’s usually the qualities that stand out and are eye-catching that parents would love their child to have. These missing attributes can become in danger of being obsessed about too much, and if you waste time chasing other children’s qualities, then it can lead to disappointment and actually stifle your child’s development. It’s simply a fear of missing out and can become obsessional. The child whom you are comparing them to might have been playing longer, be almost a year older, and might severely lack in other areas. Parents often focus on what they think is missing from their children rather than being grateful for who they are and what they have got. Concentrate on supporting and helping the development of your own child!

The number of times I’ve been asked to do one-to-one sessions to help children “go to the ball”, “get stuck in”, “show more passion”, and many similar examples is incredible. These things are difficult to rush and can’t be fixed by throwing a few quid at them. They’re meat and drink for the cowboy private coaches, though (see Chapter 62), but I always explain that one-to-ones are only really beneficial for technical aspects of the game and improved confidence. I think that subconsciously some parents might get a bit jealous of the attention some players get or feel that if their child could just do those things, then they would have more chance of getting spotted by a pro club. Your child will have their own style. Yes, be aware of areas of the game they could do with improving and encouraging them, but apart from, arguably, Cristiano Ronaldo, there’s never been a player who was great at everything. Your child might be the next big goal scorer like Harry Kane, so don’t waste too much time worrying that they struggle to do last-ditch defensive tackles just because his mate does them very well in his team.

There’s nothing wrong with being aware of the standard of good players so that there’s something to aspire to. The key is to not try to take shortcuts to get there and to look at characteristics such as coachability, determination and effort rather than individual technical qualities. It’s impossible to compare your child to other players with any degree of accuracy as you’re only seeing a snapshot in time, a culmination of too many variables in that one person’s life, to know how they got there at that particular moment. The child you’re comparing them to might appear to be a fantastic player, but at home, they could be very unhappy or heading for burnout. They are on their own journey, and your child is on theirs.

Football development can be compared to growing a plant. All you can do as a parent is make sure that your seed is in the correct environment to grow and do all the essentials, like water it regularly. A plant never compares itself to other plants, it just grows! You shouldn’t compare, either, as you’ll metaphorically end up over-watering it, buying expensive miracle grow products, re-potting and changing the soil all the time, which will end up stifling your little plant, which will never go on to fulfil its own innate potential.

“Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not who someone else is today.” —Jordan Peterson

This blog was taken from my book, Did You Win, Did You Score…? How to Help Your Child Succeed at Football and Life.

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