“Children need to develop the roots to grow and the wings to fly.” —Various

It’s probably best to read the next few chapters rather than just this one, as there are many factors that come into play when choosing a team for your child to play for. Never base it on results or how many trophies a team might have won. Never do it simply for the status of having your child play in an elite team in an elite league might bring you personally. You need to find out about the ethos and values of the team and not about any professional-sounding name the team or league might have. Are they all about results and recruiting new players, or do they want what’s best for each child’s personal development, both on and off the pitch? Safety, fun, core values, and development are key ingredients. It is an adult’s responsibility to develop children who are active in life. It is their duty to use the game to teach life lessons and help develop good character and confidence. A child who grows into a well-rounded, confident adult, who is still playing sports, is much more important than status, winning games and collecting trophies as a child! It should be the only priority.

In my opinion, for children aged 5 to 12, it is a coach’s job to develop their player’s physical literacy. Physical literacy is the fundamentals of movement, agility, balance, coordination and speed. It’s not just about teaching a sport but teaching children how to move. These core fundamental movements can be transferred to other sports and activities whilst helping to promote an active lifestyle for life. Sadly, in the pursuit of winning and trying to force children to be mini-adults, these basics are often overlooked, leaving some children struggling to move properly.

In terms of football development, I would always choose an organic club that has a pathway over one of these newly manufactured franchises or businesses that are becoming increasingly popular. What I mean by a pathway is that they have age groups beyond Under 16s and have a pathway into adult football. I believe these clubs tend to look after their players better as they would like as many as possible to play in their first team one day. Let’s have it right, the franchises and businesses need to make money to sustain them; therefore, they need to win matches to attract and keep players (and, more often than not, the parents!), so by default, their emphasis becomes about results and recruitment. You can hardly promote how wonderful your set-up is and how great your coaches are and then lose every week.

There’s always pressure to win; I just believe this is accelerated more with the franchises, businesses, and teams playing in the elite leagues. As much as there is developmental credence to playing with and against better players, too many developmental opportunities are sacrificed when a team is under too much pressure to win. Like any business, they need to grow quickly to be sustainable, so teams are put together very quickly and are under pressure to win from the outset. It’s not a great developmental environment, and children are always under pressure as they are at risk of losing their place. Even having to attend annual trials at some of them just to keep their place!

When referring to an organic club, I mean one that doesn’t always hold annual trials for all age groups but grows from the bottom up and sticks by its players. Not a manufactured club that’s all about recruitment rather than development. The manufactured clubs pick players who will help them win matches, and they’re not overly concerned with potential, only current performances. Why would they be? They’re not looking to develop players for their first team as they haven’t got one. It’s about the here and now, winning and recruitment taking preference over potential and development. But their performances are just a snapshot in time. At that particular time, those players are the most effective at winning, but that’s it. Smaller, late developers often get left behind and can fall out of the game altogether. Many talented players with potential have been lost this way.

That’s why I don’t believe elite leagues and teams are the best places for professional academies to recruit from. All the scouts are looking at are players filtered down to who is best suited to help that team win. It’s performance over potential, played in a pressure environment. Scouts need to look at other leagues with more mixed-ability teams to find those hidden gems, the ones with potential. And better still, in my opinion, they should watch players at training rather than just matches. There is more about pro scouts in Chapters 57 and 58.

I often see elite clubs on social media giving out performance-based prizes like publishing their Team of the Week and Player of the Quarter, which can all have a detrimental effect on development and are more often than not simply for parents to get a nice social media post to promote their organisation. It’s seemingly a win for the kid, a win for the parent and a win for the organisation. However, when you scrape below the surface, you realise they are performance/outcome-based rather than process-based awards. They are often shared around for maximum effect, which takes the gloss off them, and children that have put little effort in end up winning them, which sends out the completely wrong message and can develop a fixed mindset in players. More about fixed and growth mindsets can be found in Chapter 2.

It is very harmful when the balance between competition and practice tips towards competition. These awards not only help tip the balance towards competition but reaffirms it. Matches should be seen as an extension of training. An opportunity to try things under slightly more pressure. Not pressure from parents or coaches, but intrinsic pressure for the desire to do well and the pressure of the unknown (unfamiliar surroundings/ opposition etc.). Organised matches are a great opportunity to gain experience, learn and develop if the environment is right.

Even clubs with a pathway, if they’re playing in an elite league, they generally feel the need to be seen as the best club around. If they’re not, then not only do they feel a bit embarrassed, but they feel they won’t attract “the best” players, and the ones who are already there, their parents often start to question what they’re paying lots of money for. This all leads to pressure to win, which leads to pressure for the kids, which can lead to performance anxiety, which can lead to dropouts, and, without a doubt, hinders children from fulfilling their potential. With it being so competitive, managers are also less likely to rotate positions, and mistakes, which are vital in the learning process, are frowned upon. In fact, if you were tasked with creating the perfect environment for making sure children didn’t fulfil their potential, then you’d need not look much further than a manufactured team playing in a so-called elite league. A controversial statement, maybe, but it’s not my intention to upset anyone. It’s the environment that they create naturally that I get concerned with and not the individuals who run them. They are often very nice people. It’s written with a desire to bring awareness rather than to be confrontational or put anyone down. There is more about elite teams and elite leagues in Chapter 22.

Choose a club with nice, personable coaches who want your child to develop and excel. I would also choose a club with a good community base and social side. A club that does a lot for its members. I’d also look for a club that goes on tour, as these are fantastic experiences. Most adults can’t remember the games they won as a child, but they do remember the fantastic experiences they had, the friends they made, and the emotions they felt.

A manager who understands children is far better than a manager who understands football. To get both would be nice but, unfortunately, not particularly common. Choose the best coach for your child, not necessarily the best one on paper. Choose the best environment for your child and not necessarily the best team. Choose what’s best for your child’s personality and their emotional, psychological and social needs. Choose somewhere that prioritises fun, development, life lessons and experiences over winning matches, tournaments and leagues. Choose somewhere where the children respect the coach, who nurtures the children rather than lectures them. A coach can have all the knowledge and qualifications in the world, but they all amount to nothing if they can’t communicate with children or the children won’t listen to them. Your child must feel comfortable with their coach and trust them. Young players aren’t mature enough to deal with difficult experiences, so it’s important that the coach has the personal qualities to help them through in a positive way. For example, if you have a child who is shy, then don’t throw them into the pressure cooker of an elite team, in an elite league, with a coach who’s under pressure to win games.

The needs of your child will change over the years. They might go from thriving with a coach who is laid back to needing a coach who is more vocal and disciplined. It is up to you to keep monitoring and evaluating what’s best for your child’s individual needs at every step along the way. Do this by speaking with coaches. Find out what their personality is like and what their core values and philosophies are. Then decide if your child is going to get the most out of working with them or not.

Children all have different outlooks, motivations, wants and needs (both intrinsic and extrinsic). A good coach needs to see things from everyone’s perspective or at least be aware of them. A good coach will try to see things through their individual player’s lenses. It’s like giving children who are short-sighted my glasses to wear and expecting them to all see clearly, simply because they had always worked for me, would be nothing short of idiotic. Our eyes might look similar and do a similar thing, but just like everything else, they are all different and unique. Yet this is what a lot of coaches do with the players in their team. They follow a set of coaching ideas based on their own beliefs and what has always worked for them or what has been passed down to them, without ever trying to look at things through the lens of a child.

A good club will have a clearly defined philosophy, core values and a mission statement with good communication. Not only that, but they will match their actions to it. Look deeper than wins and trophies. Look for an approachable team where you can easily discuss any concerns or questions you might have. However, don’t become a problem parent (see Chapter 17).

A team should have easily accessible codes of conduct, safeguarding and welfare policies, a Welfare Officer, Equality & Diversity policies and contact numbers for prominent officials at the club and the county FA. All club officials should adhere to the standards and values of the club and be able to tell you what they are. The children at the club should all know them too! Are their core values and standards in alignment with your own? Do they talk more about winning trophies, playing with and against better players, and opportunities to get scouted more than learning life skills like resilience, determination, leadership, confidence, passion, creativity, development and humility? Basically, do they put the development of good people before good football? If someone is telling you that the team is “one of the best teams around”, please simply reply with, “The best at what”? That should tell you what you need to know.

In conclusion, it is your responsibility to choose somewhere with the right environment for your child to be safe, not just physically but emotionally, and where they will learn good life lessons and values. Ask any elite sportsmen, and women, when they were the happiest ever playing their sport, and most will tell you it was when they were kids when there was no pressure to win. When they were playing for the fun of it with people whose company they wanted to be in. Please don’t take that away from your child by trying to be a mini-adult now and choosing somewhere that’s simply focused on getting results and recruiting new players. Please be honest with yourself and be sure you’re not making decisions for them based on the status it will bring you as a parent. Would you be taking your child to play for the Elite Regional Talent Centre in the Junior Premier League if it was called South Newton Village playing in the Badger League?

Human connections are more important than playing with and against the supposed best players.Children enjoy playing with their friends rather than with a bunch of selected children simply because someone thinks they can help them win football matches, whether for their ego or their business. I think a lot of parents realise this, too, which is why so many of them play for two teams. One for the football and one for their friends, as if they’ve found the solution and the perfect blend of everything they need. This is often not the case, and in the pursuit of trying to have everything, they end up hindering their development altogether (there is more about playing for two teams in Chapter 66). Be curious, ask questions, and explore the possibilities by going along to different clubs and trying them out. Ultimately, the ethos of the individual manager will be the most important factor. Being part of a team is a gift. The bonds formed run deep and should be cherished as they don’t last forever.

“A child’s life is like a piece of paper on which every person leaves a mark.” —Robert Heinlein

This blog was taken from my book, Did You Win, Did You Score…? How to Help Your Child Succeed at Football and Life.

Available to purchase on Amazon:

http://tinyurl.com/NewBookDetails

Listen to the audio version of this blog (and others) along with my thoughts on the topic here:

Apple Podcasts

Spotify